Ready or Not?
“In every family’s story, there are chapters of estrangement. But every chapter offers a choice: to remain in the past or move forward with understanding and forgiveness.” - Author: Anonymous
June 6, 2024
Today is her birthday. She’s 30…
Happy Birthday, my beautiful girl.
I actually got a couple of texts from her last night. She got a new puppy and she sent me pics. The puppy is adorable. I’m grateful she’s starting to reach out and showing me some things about her life. I’ve missed her. Her absence has loomed over our lives like a black hole. Having glimpses, however small, of her world is something precious to me. She even mentioned the possibility of us traveling to see her for a visit some time this year. I try to imagine that now… to picture what it would be like. After five years of her absence and being forced to endure the darkest time of my life. What would it be like to re-enter each others lives now?
We have both mentioned that before we could try to move forward with a reconciliation, we would need to sit together with a therapist. I need to unravel all that has happened and know that I’m not stepping back into uncertainty. I could not go through her leaving my life (our lives) again. At least today, I have hope. Five years ago, when she left, I could not function. I can’t go back there again. There’s that fear I have spoken of. I guess there is fear in vulnerability, and where there is love, there is always vulnerability.
I have to wonder, does he know she has reached out to me? How does he feel? This is her husband now, not just some man she just met. This is the man she married, without any of us being there. I missed out on a day that I must’ve pictured a million times as she was growing up. In his final interaction with me, He was very clear with his words about his feelings for me, despite us opening up our entire world to him. I know ME. I know that over the past 5 years I’ve done a ton of work. There’s been a lot of introspection and retrospection… looking In and looking back. I”ve worked to forgive and I’ve been curious enough to try to understand. I know that I love her enough to be able to leave the past in the past, and move forward. I don’t know him. Can he do that? More importantly can she do that? What happens if he can’t? I can’t abandon my truths either. We can’t have a healthy relationship if the people we are married to aren’t fully on board. There’s a world of difference between boundaries and ultimatums. There can’t be ultimatums here. That’s just more unhealthy and controlling behavior. I’d rather sit here in this place where “hope” remains, than to open doors that arent’ ready to be opened because more healing needs to happen. Fixing things requires two people.
Are we all really ready to accept each other as we are? Are we both healthier? Have we both changed from this? Are we ready to be a family? A perfect family? Ha. Never, no…. Just A real family with authentic relationships where forgiveness and Grace are required. The good, bad & everything in between …where we speak our truths instead of abandoning ourselves. If the answer is Yes, then our home and our hearts are always open.
