A Letter…

“There are things we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.” Author Unknown

3/2/20 (Journal Entry)

A letter…

Emma has been bringing up E a good bit. Different things in our day to day make her think of him. She told me she misses him. We told Emma you are working through some things on your own, but I can’t help but think how unfair this is to them.

You told me you had no room to feel your feelings and that I made decisions for you that you had no control over. I think that’s often the way it works, parents making the decisions…

I wonder if you ever look at what you’re doing and see the irony in your judgments against me? Don’t you make decisions for “E” all the time, that he has no say in? Leaving his dad? Moving? Bringing people into his life? Deleting others that he was close to? Whether or not he should “believe in Santa”…or God? That’s what a parent does. We try our best to make the best decision for that moment or circumstance. Nobody is perfect. Nobody is without fault. Sometimes our decisions harm our children despite our efforts. Just by virtue of having a child, we subconsciously model behaviors for them. Can you not see that by estranging from family, you’re teaching your own son that parents (family) aren’t important… family can be erased. You’re teaching him lack of tolerance and to be judgmental. You’re modeling the silent treatment as a healthy form of behavior. You’re showing him how to lack forgiveness. You’ve made a huge life decision for him by cutting us - his family- out of his life, and he has no say in the matter. What about the years that have been stolen from him, Em, your brothers. We can never get this time back.

Isn’t estrangement just creating new generational trauma?