Letting Go

“I know you will always love me in some kind of way - but it won’t be the same. We will never be close again.

You let me go… At best it will be an echo of something from the past… A kind of affectionate nostalgia…

And in all honesty, I don’t think you can get much further away than that.” - Author - Renata Suzuki

January 7, 2020 (Previous Journal Entry)

How do you let go of someone who is a part of you? You are my blood, my DNA, my first child, my daughter.

You said you felt powerless as a child in my care, and now I am powerless. Seems only fair, right?

I’m not a sociopath with no feelings or ability to connect to people. I’m not self-centered. My attachment to you is real and normal and come from motherhood…being your mom. Its called a “bond”.

I don’t want to write anymore. I want my days and my thoughts to be my own again.

When? (read below)

August 9, 2024

I wrote this entry some time ago… It was my first year of the estrangement with my daughter. Still very much in the deep depths of grief and feeling anger along with continued shock and deep sadness. I think it’s important for everyone who reads this to know that I was in a place I thought I’d never heal from, but here I am, 4 1/2 years later, in a very different place. Once I got curious and was ready to face my own self, and ask myself the hard questions, I began the healing process.

I want you to know that the dark never lasts. The rain always stops. The heart always heals. You are never alone.

Tina